These things do smell bad on the outside! But it's the only way to get to Santa's lair before X-mas Eve so I can kill him.
Now I know what you're thinking -- killing Santa Claus is extremely screwed up. But you see, Santa Claus represents all of the greed that is associated with our current mangled version of Christmas. At a young age children are taught to write letters to a strange white man with a white beard for things they ordinarily could not afford. A fat man mind you, so that children associate corpulence with glee, a fat man who runs a labor camp full of mutants in a place where it is constantly freezing. This madness ends now.
