Hat Crim

How the hell did we get by without Old Man Google guiding our every move? Old Man Google is your sherpa, bitch. You are compelled to recognize. Old Man Google is the only thing keep you from ending up in a Bad Area, or not knowing if Mandy Patinkin was ever a guest star in Homicide: Life on the Streets (hint: he has a beard now). You better get on board, or else Old Man Google will leave you behind, with only your wits to keep from going insane from the otherworldly bellowing of The Ghost of Geocities. And you will know it's name is The Lord, when you have no idea what Google Wave is for but somehow everybody else does.

The point is, a "hate crime" is a crime that a majority of sensible people have come to decide is pretty much the only form of crime that you can commit for which the only justification is that you are a complete dick and should be not be out in society.

I wish there were similar laws, like a law that says if you can morally justify that you deserve a ten million dollar bonus for what is basically wearing a suit at your job, a job that on your way to and from you pass dilapidated schools, then you should instantly turn into one of those freakishly large chickens that KFC "breeds."

And be pecked upon by the less fortunate chickens.